today i went to target to get eggs. and a toaster oven for my daughter who has taken to crafting dragons out of polymer clay. i know everyone knows this about mostly everyone, but target is the pit for most all people and you should never go in it. i think i spent three hours there and i also think i went up and down every single aisle in the store for absolutely no reason. at one point i asked myself why i was looking at barbies.

heres some things i learned about myself or about target or about people while i was at target. some things i already know, but were reiterated. some were kinda new things. its really just mostly stuff about clothes. so

1. XS is never small enough. and also, i realized that this is something no one should ever say out loud. i did not say it out loud, but i did think it and then thought about how no one should ever say it out loud.
2. sweaters dont work. for the one-thousand sweaters i have tried on in my lifetime i have purchased maybe three and of those three i purchased, two of them i probably put on and decided not to wear one thousand times before i eventually got rid of them. the sweater i wore today was $7 at walmart and i bought it last week without thinking or trying it on after running out with my daughter to walmart at midnight because she forgot she needed to wear black pants to school the next day and she owns no pants except two pairs of jean leggings with holes in the knees. so we went to walmart and i literally grabbed the sweater while running by it on the way to checkout because it was pretty and i must admit-i kind of like it and it works-which is ironic when every other sweater in my life i actually tried on before deciding to buy, and of those i tried on i vetoed 99.9% of them. also, i lied about it being midnight, it was actually nine-thirty.
3. i checked out that mongolia collection by joanna and chip that everyone is always crazy about, and i was not impressed a little bit. not even a little bit. there was two things that i liked. the first thing was a wood work-bench toy for little boys. the other was a “cocoa pot” which was really just… a pitcher… but it was white and kinda simple and pretty with a wood handle i think. isnt this riveting? besides, anyone could have designed that pitcher. i was thinking about how crazy it must be to be a person like joanna gaines and have ppl come up to you and say “can we put your name on stuff, you just tell us what to design and we will make it and sell it and put your name on it.” i mean, that would be kinda great i guess. maybe i am just jealous of her but then i thought “how nice that a christian couple has become so famous in the interior decorating industry and they have such an impact on the world now” and that is great, also. still though, the collection was not my CUP OF COCOA lololololololololol POT OF COCOA LLOLOLOLOLOL
4. shirts that have funny sayings on them. i was thinking about how dumb they are for the most part and this all melded into me thinking about how much i hate almost everything. isnt that sad? i hate almost everything that is ever made in clothing. i still only really love to death a clean white tshirt and jeans. so i was thinking about things like how i would never buy a STAR WARS tshirt or tshirt that is jokes about STRANGER THINGS or things like that…. or things like “where my girls at” or “coffee till cocktails” but then i think about things like how i DO buy coca-cola tshirts whenever there is one but mostly as a joke because i hate high fructose corn syrup as a concept. then i saw the NASA tshirts again and thought, well… i did buy the NASA shirt last season. but then i remember that its because i like outer space. and it was oversized so i could sleep in it. but anyways, i was thinking about how dumb the fashion is and decided to buy a new sweatshirt that says “i love coffee” but the love is a pink heart. i bought it because out of 18 things i tried on, it was one of three things that fit well. besides though, the typography is great and the heart is pink not red and i love a good shirt about coffee. but only because its ironic, which is the point i am trying to make i think. but wait-that is not the point i was trying to make. the point was, while i was reading all these shirts and college puns and garbage, this swaddle (is that a group of something?) of college girls were puttering around giggling at phrases and saying things like “omg (name of girl) this is totally you” and “omg must get this” and things like that. and i was laughing really hard on the inside
5. “i really need a good jumpsuit” said no-one ever. actually, thats a lie. one of those college girls said that, and i couldnt decide if she was joking or not. and that made me think of saying “‘i really need a good jumpsuit’ said no-one ever.”
6. this isnt about target-this is about now, and about the end of #5. a few months ago i did some research because it seems grammar changes over the years and i could not remember if the period should always be outside the quotation marks one hundred percent of the time. so i did a lot of reading and found that, in fact, it is appropriate when there is a quote and it is the end of a sentence to keep the period inside the quotations. correct me if i am wrong. i stress out about these things A LOT.
7. taylor swift released her new album with/in a magazine, which i actually think is an incredible idea. at first i thought they were records or something because they are kinda squarish. but upon further inspection i realized they are a few volumes of mags and i didnt look too closely because i was checking out, but they were basically full of her art and thoughts and handwritten lyrics and things and i spent the rest of my checkout experience thinking about what a great idea that was, taylor. way to go! also, i love mags. lerv lerv lerv mags. especially ones that come in plastic bags bc they come with bonus things like knitting projects + materials or things like that. i cant knit but i still buy them because of the package. i love mags in bags.
8. at target i was thinking that sometimes i wish i kept everything about myself to myself and kept it all a secret. there are aspects to people knowing things about me or what things i like that i hate, a lot. i should keep everything i like a secret and be mysterious instead. but then i think why the heck would i do that.
9. anna faris wrote a book and chris pratt wrote the forward. it was probably before they got a divorce. i stood at the endcap and read the forward of the book by chris pratt and it was just o.k. i like anna faris better than him.
10. mens clothes look the same as every other year ever.
11. i am far more picky with clothes and things (and people) now than i have ever been in my life. i was thinking about how it has taken me 10 years to get to this point, where i dont want things and if i do, it must be the perfect thing. i took apart about 3 soup thermoses to see how they worked and how many parts they had. i pro-ed and con-ed each one and rated it on its ease of use, wideness of mouth, hours of hotness and cleanability. at one point, i regret to say, i was pretending to eat out of them. one of them was so incredibly frustrating (because it had about 23 layers that you would have to twist off before you got to the sweet food nectar inside) that i couldnt put it back together, gave up and left it in shambles on the shelf. i felt a little bad, but then i thought to myself.. “nah. they shouldnt have made that thing.” (“they” being the company that made it, not target, but indirectly i felt it was targets fault for not doing the “ease of use” test itself and choosing blindly to sell it.)
12. i love mauve glass things i.e. cups and baking dishes, but they will not match my kitchen and thus; i cannot buy them. this is both a travesty and a blessing. #blessed
13. i am becoming an old woman. i pick up pretty things and put them away in leu of the more practical things next to them. i almost bought a beautiful set of seafoam baking dishes but then saw the clear, boring pyrex baking dish next to them that had a cover for putting leftovers away in the fridge. i realized that was the better choice. i think what i was really thinking was… “rebecca is dying. and this is all that is left.”