this is what i now call “tree pond” where i killed an hour yesterday morning, before anyone in the world was awake. i was on my way somewhere but found out i didn’t have to be there for another hour. so, since time with no children is pretty much nonexistent for me these days, i spent the hour with headphones sitting on a bench all alone looking at this view, sobbing audibly while birds and geese (which is another type of birds) and a crane flew by. there were american flags everywhere and i realized i was wearing red white and blue as well and i felt very united with the pond and with america and i was also very sad and tired.

but i am still thankful for beautiful things. and thankful for life and children and music and good smells and pretty colors and food. theres a lot more things i feel thankful for but i don’t feel like writing anymore but this was such a pretty and peaceful and glassy place to spend that time and it made me realize how much i need to find time in my life and schedule to be completely alone. even if its dreadfully painful.